Day 12 - Nourish

I didn't know what to write exactly for this prompt. I guess I could talk about what foods I like, but that just sounded so boring. So instead, I looked up the word “nourish” in the dictionary (that is, if you count Google as a dictionary) and the definition reads – “provide with the food or other substances necessary for growth, health, and good condition”

Necessary…what is it that I find necessary to nourish my heart, mind, and soul? Aside from the basics of food and sleep, I have learned that something that nourishes me is interacting with others. And by others, I mean people other than my Littles at home. I love connecting with people. It almost gives me a little bit of a rush. Finding common ground with a person is something I search for. To be able to laugh, agree/disagree, talk about likes/dislikes, or even just shoot the breeze with another human being is invigorating. Because everyone is someone. They too have a story to tell, whether it be big or small, and I’d like to figure out what that story is.

I have also found that time alone is nourishing for me. No kids. No obligations. No one to talk to. Just me. My husband is pretty good at giving me that alone time when he can. If he can’t, I find other ways whether it be walking to the mailbox alone or sending the kids outside.  I need to be rejuvenated somehow so that I can simply face the day ahead.

Writing nourishes my soul. Writing helps me discover what is actually in my soul. It feels great to be able to get whatever it is out and to have it make sense. Or to knock me into sense! Sometimes I let things fester and they get so skewed and whacky that when I write those things down, it all doesn’t seem such a big deal after all.

I receive nourishment from above as well. In fact, above all I receive nourishment from my Father in Heaven. I can’t always recognize the help I receive, but I know it’s there. I know my Heavenly Father is mindful of me and my situation. And those days when I feel alone, I know I never truly am.

M&M’s….peanut M&M’s. They unfortunately nourish me too. 

Day 11 - Watch

I watch very few television shows. When I finally do have a second to watch something, it is usually that week’s episode of Downton Abbey or Once Upon a Time. I look forward each night (if I don’t fall asleep by then) to watching The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon with my Love. We love laughing together while we are snuggled in bed, eating popcorn, and watching it on Alex’s iPad with our big cups of ice water handy.

I watch Todd build and create with his toys. I can’t help but see some of my brother’s impressive Lego skills manifest themselves through Todd’s Duplo creations. I love watching his little creative mind at work.

I watch the mailman drive past with a letter I’ve sealed and stamped. I anticipate it’s arrival.

I watch Lucy read and discover a whole new world of words. I love, love, LOVE receiving little letters from her (they’re my favorite!) She impresses me daily with her ability to absorb so much information around her. She makes sure to share that information as well.

I watch others. I watch the way they express gratitude, the way they handle stress, the way they parent their children, the way they speak. I watch and I learn.

I watch Annie explore food and dump it over the edge of her highchair. She’s pretty picky with what I put in front of her. Though for some odd reason, if that same food is on the floor, it is so much more appealing. 

I watch my kids fight and power struggle with each other. Sometimes I step in, sometimes I just watch.

I watch Alex leave for school each day, his backpack hanging heavy on his shoulders.

I watch my mother struggle with health issues and my heart aches for her. How I wish I could alleviate some of her pain! Maybe if I send more pictures of my kids, that would help :)

I watch my children through the kitchen window as they play together in the back yard. Lucy in her swimsuit just because she felt like it, Todd burying his toys in the dirt and excavating them, and Anna dirtying up her clean outfit as she crawls through the yard, trying to taste things along her way. My heart just bursts!

I watch myself learn and grow as I navigate my way through this young stage of motherhood, wondering some days if what I’m doing and how I’m teaching my kids is even working. Then I get a special letter from Lucy and I don’t wonder so much anymore. 

Day 10 - Evening

Many nights I am on my own putting all three kids to bed because Alex is still on campus. When that’s the case, I almost always put on a short 30 min show for the older two while I put Anna down. I’ve tried so many times not to resort to the television, but when I don’t, they almost always barge into Annie’s room and wake her up, or they dirty up their newly cleaned room. My nerves just can’t handle it sometimes!

And why is it that almost every night when the lights are off, and I’m singing songs trying to get them to settle down, Lucy decides that now would be the perfect time to “exercise”?! Her version of exercise includes slamming her legs down on her bed, twisted somersaults, flapping her arms, and kicking the wall. And the best part is that since she is on the top bunk, whatever she does is extremely loud for Todd who’s down below and he usually joins in on the aerobics. It drives me nuts because once she starts up, Todd starts up, which in turn I start up with the scolding and threats. I beg her to stop but she insists that she needs to exercise and to be healthy. I can’t argue with that, but I try to explain to her that there is a time and place for exercise. No use.

I’m sure I’m doing a whole bunch of things wrong while trying to get them to bed. I used to think I had the whole routine down when it was only Lucy. She was a piece of cake to get down compared to now trying to do all three. But that’s ok, I guess. I’m learning and I’m hoping that as the kids get older and a little more mature, the evenings won’t be such an ordeal. I’m trying to at least set in place the routine now so that things will go more smoothly down the road. Crossing fingers. 

Day 9 - Purchase

I look forward to the day when we are out of school and can actually start earning money. (The light at the end of the tunnel is verrry faint!) Right now, we are living off of school loans. I sometimes make a little money here and there doing photo shoots, but for the most part, our debt balance gets higher and higher as the days go on. We try not to stress about it, because it’s really our only option at this point in our lives. Instead, we try to live frugally the best that we can. We take out a certain amount of money in cash each week and try to live within those few bills. It’s been working great for us! It has really helped us decipher between needs vs. wants and we are always sure that we leave enough money for a date at the end of the week (we wouldn’t survive without it!) In fact, our kids are as pleased as punch to have us leave them with a babysitter. I mean, just today Todd was crying for whatever reason, then all of a sudden he starts crying because he wanted a babysitter to come over! I get it, I get it…they are probably a lot nicer and give you all the juice you want!

Though being students can be rough at times (especially with three young children), I’m really enjoying this stage of our lives. We are learning and growing together as a family in ways I never imagined and I am basically forced to be creative with what I do have. Old cereal boxes are used for storing art supplies and coloring books, and pages out of old books and random buttons are used for holiday decorations.

I love it. We truly have a wonderful life. 

Day 8 - Transportation

Gray Nissan Maxima – This is the car in which I: learned to drive, drove to seminary, commuted to/from work at Disneyland, took to college, drove away from our wedding reception, and carted around my first baby. Its last adventure was in San Francisco. We had taken a trip up there and it DIED. Straight up died on us. Sad, sad day. It’s said that some people leave their heart in San Francisco….we left our car.

White Acura Integra – My aunt LaDell had taken me out in this car to teach me how to drive stick shift. We went to a crowded parking lot (of all places!) by the Chili’s. When I finally got the hang of it, she challenged me to go to the shopping center across the street. I was extremely hesitant because it required me to go up a hill where there was a stop sign at the very top. I made it to the top of the hill and stopped, but now I had to go again. I was at an incline and if you have driven a stick shift you know the predicament I was in (my heart is currently pounding as I write this, the memory itself is causing me stress!). I was freaking out! There was NO WAY I could make it. I was sure I was going to roll into the person behind me, who left me little room thank you very much! The volume of our voices got louder as we argued back and forth if I could do it or not. I had given up, protesting “I can’t do it! I can’t do it!” while my aunt was saying the opposite – “Just step on the gas, release the clutch and GO!” And with that, I made it up the hill without a scratch or dent in someone else’s vehicle. PHEW!

I felt pretty darn cool driving in that car, which was short-lived since the car died in an accident (not by me!!)

Blue-ish Toyota Tercel – Aahh, the Tercy. Otherwise known as Blanch. This is one of three cars I associate my husband with from high school. I’d like to think that I taught Hannah how to drive stick in this car (because you know I was such a pro) but I’m sure she learned from someone with a little more experience. :)

I’m amazed at how long that car survived. It not only traveled between CA/UT many times, but it came with us to Kansas City and even to Arizona. That car was running on fumes…literally. Every time I’d drive it, I’d look in the rear view mirror and apologize to the person driving behind me because I knew they were getting fumigated. The car was on its last leg. What should have only been an hour and a half drive to Mesa, took us nearly 4 HOURS! It was our only car at the time and we had to take the frontage road most of the time because otherwise we probably would have been crushed by some other car going twenty times as fast. But we still just putt-putted along, talking and listening to music. Ha! Good times. I hope Blanch’s new owner can find as much simple joy in it as we did.

Red Chrysler – Homecoming had just ended. I was Alex’s date. We were walking out to the car, his arm around my shoulders keeping me warm. We stopped on the passenger side, hugged, and kissed for the first time. A simple, sweet kiss. Cloud Nine!

This car was also a fun drive-to-the-beach-with-your-best-friend car. We thought we were so cool. :)

15 passenger van – This was THE van! The big, brown Beatrice. You knew Alex was almost to school because you could see this car from a mile away, waiting to turn in. He’d pull into the parking lot and we’d all pile in, listening to Jimmy Eat World and Dashboard, hanging out before the first bell of the day rang. Best memory of this car was when Alex had turned it into a fancy-shmancy car for the Prom (oh my gosh! I love my husband!) It was complete with lights streamed on the inside, a fuzzy bear rug, window paint, large speakers, a love seat (as in an ACTUAL love seat), a cooler of soda, and a tub of Red Vines. This is how us Mormon kids rode in style! Even though Alex and I weren’t each other’s date that night, this is still a fun memory we have together.

Green Honda Civic – We bought this car from Alex’s sister, Allison, after the Maxima died. This car eventually got the name “Bobisa” simply because that is what the license plate spelled with its letters and numbers. We love this car and it is currently Alex’s car as he drives the 15 miles to school each morning. We had a BYU magnet on it for years while we lived in Provo and KC. About a month after moving to Arizona, it got stolen. Go figure.

Black Toyota Sienna – I honestly didn’t think we’d be at a minivan status for a couple more years. But how grateful I am for the extra room! Lucy and Todd sit in the far back and Annie sits right behind me for easy access to hand toys and snacks to. My aim has gotten far better over this last year as I have had to throw things to the kids in the back seat. 

Oh, you want a cracker? A book? Catch!

I am constantly yelling at Todd to sit down because that little weasel can wiggle his way out of his car seat! My mom calls it Karma because I guess I used to always do the same.

Day 7 - Work

I’m not sure how old I was, but I was old enough to remember. My aunt had a computer that when every time you turned it on, a little sound bite would play. Kind of like a “You’ve got mail!” welcome, only it was my squeaky little voice coming through the speakers.

“When I grow up, I want to be the Little Muhmaid!”

I remember hearing that over and over again and getting the biggest kick out of it!

As time went on, I realized being a real mermaid wasn't plausible. Instead I decided that I wanted to be a vet, then a teacher, then a zoologist, a teacher again, a chef, a nurse, and an artist. (can you tell I couldn’t make up my mind?!) But most of all, I wanted to be a mom. I always knew that. No matter what course of education I took or what job I had, I hoped that children would be a part of my life.

Well, here I am. Being a mom. And I feel so very blessed. Though, it’s not all hunky-dory all the time. I wish I was always walking on the sunny side of the street, skipping and holding hands with my kids. But the truth is it takes a lot of hard work. A lot of energy, consistency, time, love, talking, teaching, cleaning… and the list goes oooooon. My feet hurt by the end of the day.

I have found myself devaluing my job as a mom and I have sometimes felt that what I do is never enough. Then I remind myself that “No other success can compensate for failure in the home” (David O. McKay) and I keep on working.

Now if I could just get Lucy to clean up the crayons when she's done with them, I'd say that's a success :)

Day 6 - You

Grateful for a healthy family after a few days of the stomach flu

Loving this beautiful Arizona weather

Determined to be more organized with my life. And to conquer that mountain of dishes

Struggling with getting Todd to bed

Craving a trip to Disneyland

Looking for awesome art prints for L & T’s room

Inspired by creative people, uplifting quotes, and Pinterest

Longing for a large chunk of time to do whatever I want and not feel guilty about it.

Feeling overwhelmed by the mundane tasks of life. Can I ever catch up?!

Impressed by Lucy’s drawing skills                  

Eating chips and salsa for lunch

Attending cardio classes at the gym…periodically

Entertaining the idea of sewing library book bags for the kids

Re-realizing how good Kit Kat bars are

Finding it hard to cook dinner when my husband isn’t home for it. Looks like we’re having sandwiches again…

Accepting the fact that school will just have to wait for another time in life

Knowing that I am doing the best I can. That I am so blessed. And that life is good.

Day 5 - Conversation

I look forward to his phone call every morning. It’s become a ritual. He hurries off to school with the breakfast and lunch I’ve made for him, kisses us all goodbye, and before I know it we’ve hardly had a chance to say hello to each other. Which is why I make sure I’m available to answer the phone when he calls me in about twenty minutes. He has about a ten minute walk from his car to his morning class, and instead of listening to music, reviewing notes, or just having a quiet walk, he calls me. Sometimes we talk about important things, other times not so important. But who cares…we talk. For the most part, it’s a chance for us to tell each other “I love you” and to wish each other a good day, because I might not see or talk to him again until late. Though our conversation is brief, the act of him pulling out his phone to call me (me!) speaks so loudly. It’s little things like this that show me he loves me, that he cares about me, that he’s thinking about me even though his load is so heavy these days. 
I’ve asked him to never stop calling me, even when there’s nothing to say... I like hearing him whistle too.

Day 4 - Spirit

I have always been a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. In other words, I am a Mormon. I know it, I live it, I love it.

I know that I am a daughter of our Heavenly Father. I know that He loves me and is aware of my needs. I know that I can depend on my Savior during difficult times. He gives me strength.

I pray on a daily basis. Beside my bed, before eating, in the car…anywhere and everywhere. I give thoughts of gratitude because how could I not?! There is so much to be grateful for! I try to read my scriptures every day, but sometimes the day escapes me. I look for opportunities to serve others. The Sabbath Day is the highlight of my week and we are sure to always attend church.

I love the peace and security I feel because of my religion. I love the constant growth I experience. I love having faith. I love that my family is eternal.

I am a Mormon and I am a happier person because of it.

Day 3 - Read

One of my favorite jobs ever was when I worked at Barnes and Noble. The name itself sounds so studious. I loved coming to work in the mornings before there were any customers. The aroma of crisp pages and freshly bound books filled me with such joy! The books were all straightened on the shelves, patiently waiting to be cracked open. What adventures were going to be had that day? A sail across a tempest sea? A daring prince rescuing a princess? A first kiss? The possibilities were endless!

I often worked in the children’s department. Upon being hired, I requested that that be where I was scheduled the most. I loved seeing children get excited over favorite characters and discover new ones! I loved recommending my favorite books in hopes that others would come to love them too. I loved being in charge of story time where I could make a book come alive and see the captivated faces of my tiny audience.

Magic happens from the pages of a book. And it can happen at a very young age.

With a home of my own now, I have a lot of books. Books about parenting, relationships, and faith. Some adventure books, some romance books. Books that have never been read. I just like the look of books. I like the way their presence makes me feel. 

I hope my children come to love books the way I do. If not, I’ll make them! More trips to the library! More bedtime stories! More, more, more! Reading is an important part of my life and reading to my children is essential. 

Day 2 - Morning

If you were to ask me if I were a morning person or night owl, I’d say I favor the mornings. But with that being said, mornings are rough for me. Much of my morning is determined by the night before. Were the kids up several times? Did I stay up late? How many bathroom visits? You get my drift. My nights are hardly restful these days. With three kids ages four and under, I’m never off the clock.

Some mornings are extremely productive and I feel like patting myself on the back and awarding myself a gold star (go me!). Other mornings, all I can do is roll out of bed, pour the begged for cup of juice, and plop down on the couch. Those mornings are unfortunately filled with bowls of cereal, Dora the Explorer, and pajamas until noon. I’m not proud of those days. In fact, I’m not proud of many days. I’m a work in progress.

My ideal morning would be to wake up at least thirty minutes before my children and ready myself for the day without any distraction– pray, read my scriptures, maybe start a load of laundry, ect. It just makes sense! (And I’ve done it a few times!) But those few extra moments cuddled in my warm bed next to the man of my dreams are heavenly. The day can most definitely wait.

I’m a light sleeper. I don’t think I used to be, but I have become one since having kids. I can hear my kids coming out of their room long before they make it to my bedside, all the while trying to guess if it is Lucy or Todd coming to wake me up. 50/50 chance. I’m grateful when Lucy is up first. I can give her instructions and she so readily complies. Todd, on the other hand, will stand next to my side of the bed begging for whatever it is he wants and pulling on my arm until I give in. “Juice, mommy! Juice!” over and over again. Persistent little bugger! Not what I want to wake up to. My favorite is when Annie wakes up first. I bring her back to bed with me where she will lay between her father and I and “talk” while playing with her toes and I can close my eyes for a little while longer. Though, most often she is clawing at both mine and my husband’s faces begging for us to play with her.

I know consistency is key, and I know from experience that the morning can really determine the rest of the day, but I just haven’t found my groove yet. I’m hoping that as the kids get older and as they start school, things will fall into place a little better. It’s just hard. This young stage of motherhood is tough. But I’m trying. I’m really trying. Not every day is going to be ideal.

In the meantime, I’m going to relish those morning snuggles with my kids before they outgrow me.

Oh please never outgrow me!

31 Things

I've signed up to take a workshop with Ali Edwards called 31 Things where for the next 31 days I will be given a topic along with prompts to encourage writing regarding everyday things. I'm excited to see how this next month pushes me! I'm planning on posting my entries for the next 31 business days. Fun, right?! Want to join me in the workshop? You should! It's only $31 and registration ends on the 29th. Here is the WEBSITE

So here it goes!

Day 1: Jewelry

My Nana’s bedroom was the perfect room for snooping around in. She always had hidden treasures that any little girl would find valuable. From loose change and purses, to dolls and toys, there was guaranteed to be something to pique one’s interest. But somehow I’d find myself over in her jewelry. Just looking. I’d sometimes graze my fingers along the dangling necklaces and watch them sway until they stopped and silently dangled once more. She had bracelets and rings and earrings of all sorts strewn across her vanity. What could someone do with all that jewelry?!

Well, she knew what to do.

She was always well adorned. Beautiful and refined. You could hear her coming down the hall because of the bracelets that jingled on her wrists. They sang a magical tune which matched the bounce in her step. I especially loved when she’d wear her holiday jewelry. I wonder if she wore it just to appeal to us grandkids. Cause it worked.

My Nana passed away a few years ago and left many things for us to remember her by. Just recently, my mother brought home a large box of necklaces for us to go through and pick any pieces that we’d like to keep. I quickly jumped on the opportunity to go through them, wanting to find something that would speak to me and that would resemble my Nana. And I found it! Hidden behind a ton of gold chained necklaces was a quaint silver cuckoo clock. I instantly fell in love with it! What a treasure! It was as if it was left there for me to find one day. I’d like to imagine my Nana placing it in her jewelry box with a fleeting thought of maybe one day one of her granddaughters will have it.

Well, I now hold it dear to my heart. I wear it more often than not and I love that when I get compliments on it, I instantly tell them it belonged to my grandmother. It makes it all the more special.